Just when I think I have problems

It was raining outside tonight and I was walking around
downtown after spending $26 on a crappy meal that
really wasn't very good.  I ended up running into a
homeless family.  The kids were age 2,4, and 10 and
they were all very sweet.  I took them to mcdonalds
and called all the homeless shelters but noone had room.
I ended up giving the youngest two a pair of gloves and
dropping them all off at the police station as that is where
the mother asked to go.  I didn't really know what else to do.
The contrast between them and me blowing $26 on a crappy
meal and coming home to a nice warm house significantly
larger than I really need is unsettling.  I'm not for sure what
the solution is but I'm going to start with selling my house.

Candy Canes at the Mall

So I went to Target and bought a box of 60 candy canes ($1.67)
and then walked around and gave them to parents of children.
It's not as easy as it sounds but for the most part it was more
mental than anything.  I had a few refusals but most people
seemed friendly enough.  One person asked "what's the catch"
and I got the feeling several people thought I was part of the
mall.  Overall a fun experiment but obviously didn't really
allow me to make friends.  Talking to strangers doesn't
automatically translate to making new friends unfortunately.

The Steps of Friendships

There are several steps to get to friendship that most
people don't really think about.  Rarely does anyone
actually make it through all the stages but everyone
you knows falls somewhere along the spectrum.

Step 1:  Stranger --> Simple Conversation
Step 2:  Single Convo--> Multiple Convo / Regular Contact / Acquaintance
Step 3:  Acquaintance --> Friend
Step 4:  Friend -->  Close Friend
Step 5:  Close Friend --> Best Friend

You could probably also add a step 6 which would be moving
from a best friend to a romantic / life partner but right now
we are dealing primarily with friendship as step 6 is above
and beyond what most people would consider friendship.
Even Step 4 and Step 5 are very dependent on compatibility
and "clicking" and many friends will never reach that level
so let's focus on the first couple steps of going from
stranger to friend.

So step 1 is hard but I'm actually not too bad at it.
Having a 5 minute or even a 10 minute conversation with
a stranger is doable.  Completing step 2 is VERY HARD if it's
a casual encounter where you're not likely to see the person
again.  If you're trying to make friends, you have to figure
out how to get past step 2 or your not going to make any
progress no matter how many people you talk to.
One solution is to join a church/college/club/bar where you
are regularly around the same people on a regular basis.
This is probably the best overall solution as it "forces"
multiple interactions.   Really the only other solution is to
somehow get some form of contact info before leaving.
This is much, much more difficult as it requires building a
fair amount of rapport in a short amount of time and even
then it's still awkward to ask for an email or phone number
unless you have a fairly legitimate reason to do so.

ROOTS N BLUES N BBQ

So I ended up at the festival downtown last weekend
and I did manage to meet someone.  I ended up hanging
out with some homeless people and sharing my kettle
corn.  It's very interesting to see people's reactions to
homeless people.  Most people try to avoid even looking
in your direction.
I also had a friend who had no knowledge of my blog
tell me about a "weirdo" who came up and started
talking to her unprovoked.  Why does society require
a reason to talk to a person.  Why can't you just be nice.
I see people sitting alone at lunch every day and I want
to sit by them but I know that they would probably think
I was a freak if I did.  Well, I'm off to design another
experiment.

Experiment #1 was a total failure.

I sent 5 emails.  3 girls, 2 guys.  Not a single response.
Now here's the kicker, one of the guys that I sent a
messsage to actually had a recent post urging parents
to have their children talk to new kids in the class.
Even he didn't respond.
On a more positive note apparently other people have
similiar ideas:
http://www.betabeat.com/2011/09/08/grouper-sets-you-up-with-three-facebook-strangers-but-its-not-a-date/
It's a new service that matches 3 random people up
with 3 other random people.

Experiment #1: Now for something completely crazy.....

Ok, to help accomplish my plan, I've decided to
embark on a completely crazy endeavour.
I'm going to use facebook and try to friend a
complete stranger (no mutual friends) each day.
It is against facebook rules to "friend" a stranger
so I decided to instead just send a message and
see if I get a response.
Facebook search is limited but I've decided that to
help things along I'm going to try to pick someone
who lives in my town, looks interesting, shares a
couple similiar interests and is around my own age.
Ok, five messages sent, now to wait to see if I get
any responses.

Day 1

So every day I see people I want to say something to
but I'm too scared to.  I've set my initial goal to
talk to one complete stranger a day.  I define a
complete stranger as someone who to my knowledge
I share no common friends with.
I went to lunch today to try my luck.
I've read a little about psychology and I know that in
order to not come across as a complete crazy you
should have a "token" or reason to initiate a conversation
more commonly thought of as an ice breaker or
common interest.
While people watching at lunch, I saw a pair of women
take pictures of themselves in front of the soda fountain.
This was the perfect opportunity to ask them why they did
such an obscure thing.  I chickened out.
Why is it so hard to ask a stranger a question?  What
could they have possibly done that would be that horrible.
Anyways, I did manage to talk to a guy on my way back to
my vehicle.  He had a 4 month old puppy and using that as
an excuse I was able to talk to him for a few minutes.
So mission accomplished even if I did use a rather easy
token to accomplish it.

How to talk to Strangers

If an animal approaches you for no reason, it is assumed that
he is either crazy(rabid), or domesticated.
If a stranger approaches you for no reason, he's just considered
crazy or at least that is the perception.  Most people assume
that you can't approach a complete stranger for no reason.
This blog is my attempt to challenge that convention.